I’ve been unlucky with love –JERRILYN MULBAH, IDOLSWEST AFRICA GIRL

Idols West Africa revelation, Jerrilyn Mulbah, has opened up
on how she almost aborted her only daughter who clocked 11
recently. In this chat with The Entertainer at the Congress Hall
of Nicon Hilton Hotel, Abuja, Mulbah recounted her ordeal
during the Liberian Civil War, how she fled to Nigeria with her
Nigerian lover and how he eventually ditched her when she
was pregnant.
Excerpts:
What have you been up to lately?
At the moment, I work with a top radio station here in Abuja
called We 106.3 FM. I am working as an OAP and I am doing
a relationship programme called The Love Talk With Jerrilyn
Mulbah . The programme is all about relationship and love.
And one of the most amazing things is that I have proved that
I can use my voice in diverse ways. I must confess I have kind
of enjoyed Abuja; it is a calm and quiet town. I will definitely
do music so don’t ask when (laughter).
How long have you been in Abuja?
I have been here for a year and a couple of months. Basically,
it has been work, house, church and school for me.
We understand that you are studying at the University of
Abuja. What are you studying?
Peace Studies & Conflict Resolution. The idea is that I can go
back home based on my charity work and contribute to my
country someday. I am also running an NGO which focuses on
young single mums and girls in high school.
Why single mums and girls in high school?
The truth is that I am a single mum and so I can relate with
some of the challenges they face. Every single mum you come
across is fighting two battles at the same time. One is with
the society which won’t accept her and two is all about the
people who want to take advantage of her not necessarily be­
cause they want to help her. The idea is to get single mums
to go back to school, get vocational training and empower
themselves. And for young girls, the idea is to educate them
on sex related issues. We don’t talk about sex education much
and sex education is different from biology because in sex
education, you just don’t tell a girl that she should not allow
boys touch her, you have to give her scenarios so she knows
why she shouldn’t do this or that. I believe that if we
empower our young girls with such knowledge, we save them
the trouble of talking to people that will take advantage of
them and also protect them from seeking sex education from
the wrong sources; they don’t have to learn from their
mistakes. In my case, I had a Nigerian who wanted to marry
me, but when we came here he disappointed me. He was
duped in Liberia and I felt sorry for him and he looked like a
nice person so when he said he wanted to marry me, I said
‘fine, but I would like to see your parents so that we could
start properly.’ But unfortunately, the war came and it was a
disaster because his true colour came out and I couldn’t deal
with it. I came to Nigeria to see him and I could have just
gone back to Liberia but the war broke out so I just had to
stay back here. Well, enough of the relationship thing, I have
since moved forward, my daughter is already 11-year-old.
What is it like being a single mother?
(Laughter) I had my wedding cancelled this year because I
have a daughter; I am a single mum. The guy didn’t back out
but his dad did. His dad said ‘you know what son; you cannot
marry someone who already has a child.’ And so at the end of
the day, we had to cancel the wedding; it is just one of those
things. A lot of people have the impression that if you are a
single mum you are promiscuous but I don’t think so. There
are women who are single mums today because that is just
what they want. For others it probably could be because they
had a terrible childhood or a divorce. And some may choose to
be single probably because they were raped. There are many
reasons a woman would want to be a single mum so it is
wrong to judge them.
Why didn’t you go for an abortion?
I did not go for an abortion because of my belief; I didn’t think
it was right before the eyes of God. Was I challenged by the
experience? Yes I was. In fact, there was a day my cousin told
me to have an abortion because I had my whole life stretching
out ahead of me and the child could be an obstacle, so I said
okay. I had been thinking about what to do about the baby for
a while and I was really agitated. That very night I dreamt I
was in the farm and I heard a baby crying so I searched for
the baby, found it and picked it up. The baby was very black
and cute. I bathed her and put clothes on her and when I
carried her to pamper her she said ‘please don’t kill me!’ I
was like ‘what is this, is this child a witch?’ But she
responded saying ‘I am not a witch, please don’t kill me.’
When I woke up the next morning I told my aunty who did not
know then that I was pregnant. She said the meaning of the
dream was that if I was going to have an abortion I would die,
or I would never have a child again so I went on my knees
and prayed about it. It is sad that people judge you because
you have a child. There are women who have had countless
abortions and done crazy things but people see them as
normal because they destroyed life. Now I ask, why judge a
person who has decided to bear the consequences of what
happened to her be it a good or bad experience. I believe that
there are young women who need help especially single
mums; it is not easy emotionally being a single mother.
Would you say you have been unlucky with love?
Oh yes, I have been unlucky with love. I won’t lie and it is
funny because my job demands that I advice people who have
relationship issues and it is amazing I am able to encourage
them do this or do that and it works. I guess it is a case of
‘prophet, heal thyself.’ Sometimes I am like this socks. I heard
from an international matchmaker that matchmakers or people
who handle relationship issues are not often lucky with love.
However, she found love in her later years.
Idols West Africa was the platform that brought you to the
limelight and expectations were high back then but we never
heard from you again. What is happening to your music?
The truth is that in life, if one thing is not working, at some
point, you look for something else. I know I came into the
limelight through music. But then, if you have so many gifts
and talents you work on them. I did Afro fusion which is my
genre but I just felt I needed something more subtle,
something more of me and not what is selling in the market
right now. Besides, we also had managerial issues. I was like
instead of just dragging on with my music career for a very
long time not getting anywhere, how about going into radio
and following my passion for helping others. We had
challenges back then, we kept saying we would shoot this
video or that video and it just wasn’t working out
managerially.
Tell us about your daughter, what does she mean to you?
She means the world to me. Everything that I do, I do for her
because I realise that as the child of a single mum, she also
has her own fair share of challenges. One thing I do is that in
whatever I do I ask myself the question, will this make her
happy? Do I make her proud? Even if people tell her negative
things outside because she has a single mum she could
always say that my mum is the best mum in the whole world.
And one of the things I have been able to impact on her is the
need not to look down on people or judge anybody. Have I
been challenged so much as to ask why I chose to be a single
mum? Have I been challenged so much as to ask why did I
have this baby? Yes, there have been moments when I have
had to deal with terrible things people have said but I do not
regret because of my daughter, the special gift which came
into the world through me. I look back and I see many
marriages that don’t have children, I see couples running up
and down looking for children and then I appreciate even more
this journey that God is taking me through. I just pray that I
live out my full potential and purpose.
Could you describe your ideal man?
Someone who does not allow society to get to him (laughter).
I think my ideal man is someone who has a mind of his own,
a man who is God fearing, one who will love me and love my
child because I have never lied or hidden my child from
anyone. My idea is if you want me, you must also want my
child. If the reverse is the case then just keep moving. People
have this lame idea that single mums are the most needy set
of people. They believe that you need someone to take care of
you; you need someone to do this or that or that for you all
the time. Yes, everybody needs a help mate but for me, I am
not looking for someone to give me the whole world. If you
have the capacity, fine, but the most important thing is that
my man has to be God fearing, someone who knows the Word
of God and has it in him and is able to realise that anyone
who is in Christ is a new creature because we all make
mistakes. He should be responsible and financially stable. You
can’t rely on your family or your father’s money; a man who
does that is not for me. The challenge for me in Nigeria is that
people are so judgemental. They don’t care if it has been so
long ago you had your baby or how you feel. They don’t even
care to know why you are in Nigeria in the first place; I have
heard all kinds of things.
When you were coming to Nigeria to meet your lover’s family,
what were your expectations?
I wasn’t in control of coming to see his parents; I was just
running for my dear life at that time. My boyfriend was a
Nigerian so this was the only place I could run to so I was
hoping that at last, I will get to know where he is from; I
really didn’t care if he was not financially okay. He said he did
not have money and I said it was okay, let us start; it was
just love that was driving me then but love has never paid-off
for me despite my sacrifices but I still believe in love, I still
believe in God and I still believe in people though they kind of
let you down most of the time, people are people and they will
always be people.