5 Privileges Ugly Girls Have

1. You never have to deal with "friend-

zoning" guys.

I am not an ugly girl, so it's hard for me

to find a guy friend who doesn't

want to get in my pants, date me, or

marry me. It's like guys, please, I'm

only one girl—and I'm young! I don't

want to be tied down. And every day

I have to go through the tedious process

of sitting my guy friends down and

saying, "No, I don't want to date. No, we

are not an item. No, I only hooked

up with you last week because I was

blackout drunk and Hot. NO. NO.

NO." Turning down guys is exhausting.

Plain Janes never have this problem

because they know that if any guy is

hanging out with them, it must be their

personality (because it's clearly not

for looks). You don't have to deal with

friend-zoning guys because you

already know that they are clearly not

interested. You ugly girls have it so

lucky, and I don't think you fully

appreciate that.

2. You never have to worry about making

the most of

your prime.

Since I'm a beautiful person, people are

always telling me to be careful

because looks fade, and what will I have

then? I mean, I see myself as in a

perpetual prime, and I guess in a worst-

case scenario, eventually, when I'm

like forty I'll sort of lose my natural

glow. However, by that time I'll

already be married to a rich suitor and

still living a carefree life. But—yes,

here comes that horrid "but"—what if I'm

not married to a rich man and

my natural glow seems to run away from

me? It's terrifying to think that

life might get harder than this. I already

have to deal with being perfect—

it's unfair for people to expect me to do

more right now because it's my

"prime."

With ugly people, you're in a perpetual

flat line, so no one expects you to

make the most of your beauty "while it

lasts." You'll always be ugly, so no

matter whether it's today or fifty years

from now, you're never going to get

any luckier with getting lucky. You guys

have no expectations or supposed

"timeline" of youth—you have all the

time in the world to be ugly. I

supposedly only have a decade to be

Helen of Troy.

3. You get to put on make-up and enjoy

the joys of

dressing up.

Since I always look perfect, I don't get

the joy of putting on make-up and

dressing up every day. I mean, every girl

remembers those dress-up days

when we were little and we'd throw on

dresses and make-up. Dressing up is

so much fun! But as a naturally beautiful

woman, I can wear sweatpants and

still get complimented on looking

perfect.

You Plain Janes still get to enjoy the

little joys of putting on lipstick, eye

shadow, and blush like you're a little kid.

You get to transform yourself

from the ugly duckling to the cuter little

princess with several swipes of a

brush. I don't get to experience that

exciting, fun transformation that I

reveled in as a little girl.

4. You don't have to deal with weirdos

always hitting on

you.

OMG, don't get me started on having to

walk around with annoying number

that the barista Sharpied on your

morning coffee, having to avoid the

smirks and winks of countless men on

the subway to work, having to tell

the new hire again that no, you do not

want to go get drinks, having the

intern snap a photo of your Bottom when

he thinks you're not looking, or having

the schoolboys chuckle and whistle as

you grab lunch at your favorite food

truck.

Can a woman go through one day

without being the center of attention for

her unparalleled beauty? It's exhausting

being me already (see the other

bullet points), and I don't want to have

to deal with another stockbroker

asking me for my number at cocktail

hour; I don't want to flirt with the hot

single dad at the supermarket.

Stop hitting on me. I need some "me"

time.

You Plain Janes are always left alone to

do your own thing, and that

solitude makes me so, so jealous.

Seriously, ladies, enjoying being alone

and ignored—you don't know how hard it

is on the other side of the

attractiveness train tracks.

5. You still enjoy getting compliments.

When you are naturally beautiful like I

am, people act like it's their job to

remind you that you are blessed with

good looks, and it's so sad. I get

complimented so much that I get no

pleasure from the phrases that once

made me feel so giddy inside. It's as if

"You look amazing," "You look

great," and "You are so beautiful" have

become "Hello."

With ugly people, you still get that

excitement that people are admiring

your new haircut, cute top, or recent

manicure. I mean, when you get

praised for everything, nothing feels

special anymore.

Always being complimented on my

beauty has become rather, well, tragic.